Post by Ribs, Suthers' Pal on Feb 6, 2015 0:54:58 GMT
I have uncovered a leaked script of the new Big Finish story of Colin Baker's regeneration:
___________
The Sixth Doctor: The Last Adventure
The Doctor held Peri tightly. “And we shall never, ever part.” He said to her.
“Doctor, I’m here too.” Mel quietly muttered, much to the annoyance of everybody.
“For fuck’s sake, Mel,” the Doctor barked, “speak when spoken to!” He enabled the TARDIS silence filter, as Mel continued to be a tremendous waste of everybody’s time.
“We’ll be heading straight to Mexico City, to buy drugs.” The Doctor instructed Peri. “I have a wonderful dealer named Raul.”
“Doctor, I’ve met Raul. When you travelled with him?” Peri said. “The two of you were travelling with Evelyn.”
“Oh right, that fucker.” The Doctor realized. “In fact, I don’t even know why I suggested it, as that two-timing mother-fucking rat wore a god-damn wire and tried to get me put away.” He could not think of an alternative destination.
“How about Paris?” She asked. “The turn of the century? C’est la vie?”
“Peri, if you don’t shut your fucking mouth, I swear to Christ I will throw you into the infinite schism.” He continued, “I already did it to Mel, but that bitch showed up to first meet me the next fucking day. I mean, Jesus Christ, woman, leave me the fuck alone!”
Peri nervously chuckled. “Why don’t you fly us wherever you like, then? Just get over to that control panel-“
“Why, soitenly.” The Doctor said, with the precise accentuation of Bugs Bunny. “Twiddle-dee-dee!” He randomly pressed buttons to look impressive as he swooshed his coat back and forth.
Suddenly, he heard a yelp. He noticed a note on the console of his beloved time ship. It read:
My Dearest Doctor,
I have decided to throw myself into the time-space vortex rather then spend one more second with you, you pig.
Die in Hell,
Peri
“Oh, Peri.” He said. Then, he noticed a flashing red light on the console. “Oh, fu-“
The console erupted in flames. The Doctor, thrown to the floor, began to die. He quickly disabled the silence filter. Mel ran to his aid.
“Melanie Bush-“ he coughed up blood, his innards all over the TARDIS wall. “If only you were as good as Peri.”
And, as Doctor Who’s imagination energy took hold of his dying body, the sum total of all evil in the world held his hand tightly.
“I’ll try my hardest,” she said, tears in her eyes.
___________
The Sixth Doctor: The Last Adventure
The Doctor held Peri tightly. “And we shall never, ever part.” He said to her.
“Doctor, I’m here too.” Mel quietly muttered, much to the annoyance of everybody.
“For fuck’s sake, Mel,” the Doctor barked, “speak when spoken to!” He enabled the TARDIS silence filter, as Mel continued to be a tremendous waste of everybody’s time.
“We’ll be heading straight to Mexico City, to buy drugs.” The Doctor instructed Peri. “I have a wonderful dealer named Raul.”
“Doctor, I’ve met Raul. When you travelled with him?” Peri said. “The two of you were travelling with Evelyn.”
“Oh right, that fucker.” The Doctor realized. “In fact, I don’t even know why I suggested it, as that two-timing mother-fucking rat wore a god-damn wire and tried to get me put away.” He could not think of an alternative destination.
“How about Paris?” She asked. “The turn of the century? C’est la vie?”
“Peri, if you don’t shut your fucking mouth, I swear to Christ I will throw you into the infinite schism.” He continued, “I already did it to Mel, but that bitch showed up to first meet me the next fucking day. I mean, Jesus Christ, woman, leave me the fuck alone!”
Peri nervously chuckled. “Why don’t you fly us wherever you like, then? Just get over to that control panel-“
“Why, soitenly.” The Doctor said, with the precise accentuation of Bugs Bunny. “Twiddle-dee-dee!” He randomly pressed buttons to look impressive as he swooshed his coat back and forth.
Suddenly, he heard a yelp. He noticed a note on the console of his beloved time ship. It read:
My Dearest Doctor,
I have decided to throw myself into the time-space vortex rather then spend one more second with you, you pig.
Die in Hell,
Peri
“Oh, Peri.” He said. Then, he noticed a flashing red light on the console. “Oh, fu-“
The console erupted in flames. The Doctor, thrown to the floor, began to die. He quickly disabled the silence filter. Mel ran to his aid.
“Melanie Bush-“ he coughed up blood, his innards all over the TARDIS wall. “If only you were as good as Peri.”
And, as Doctor Who’s imagination energy took hold of his dying body, the sum total of all evil in the world held his hand tightly.
“I’ll try my hardest,” she said, tears in her eyes.