Post by Ribs, Suthers' Pal on Aug 16, 2017 16:54:44 GMT
“Canada!” Doctor Who yelled out, suddenly. He threw a lever.
His new assistant, on her second expedition deep into the cloisters of space and time, examined the screen carefully. “Canada? That’s it? Bit unexciting, isn’t it?”
Doctor Who smiled. “No, well, yes, but you know, 4 billion years of the universe, I’ve never, ever bothered to make a stop there.”
“Really? How is that possible?” Penny examined the various buttons and doodads as he pressed them. “Oh, I know – you’re an alien, you don’t really care about Earth.”
“Yes! Exactly!” The ship suddenly shook, throwing the pair of them to the side, “well, actually, no, exactly. I’m on Earth all the time. It’s practically a summer home.”
Stepping out of the telephone box, Doctor Who explained their newest destination. “This is the nation’s capital city.”
“Vancouver, yeah?”
“Afraid not.” They began to move down the street, through modest pedestrian traffic.
“Oh, Montreal, that’s right.”
“You’re getting a bit closer,” the Doctor said. “Just a bit.”
“It’s not Toronto, is it?”
They stopped in front of a large sign, reading CITY OF OTTAWA DEPARTMENT OF PARKS SERVICES.
“Oh, yeah, that sounds right. Good to know,” Penny was suddenly unnerved as she saw a man sitting on the steps into the municipal building eating his lunch. He was eating a ham sandwich with mayonnaise, but that was for once not the problem – he was examining some small device in his hand, transfixed by it. “Doctor – why isn’t that man eating lunch with anyone? What is he doing all alone like that?”
The man, just four meters away, was not very pleased to hear this, and scuttled off.
“He was using a telephone, Penny. We’ve travelled into the future – the year 2006. This is the dawn of a new era – modern society enters a new reformation with the advent of smart technology.”
“So what can it do?”
“Well, they’re not at that point yet, but they’ll get there soon.”
The front door to the parks services office burst open. An armed battalion of Mounties exited, and cornered that man who had been so rudely insulted by Penny. From a satchel, one of them produced a faucet with a drill on one end – he burrowed it into the man’s head as he screamed in terror.
“Doctor, what’s happening?”
“I don’t know – get back.”
Penny refused, holding her ground firmly as Doctor Who examined the situation.
“Again, I’ve never been here before, but if I do know anything about Canada-“
Liquid began pouring out of the faucet, as the man’s life faded from him. It wasn’t blood.
“You’ve got to try the syrup.”
The man, totally hollowed and dry to the bone, let out a sound like a deflating balloon. The Mounties disappeared back into the building.
“Let’s never come here again.” Penny deadpanned, as she made a bee-line for the TARDIS. Doctor Who yelled after her, imploring her to stop.
“Whatever is happening here – Canada isn’t supposed to be like this. Not yet, anyway.” He locked the TARDIS door from the outside. “What I do, is I try to help people. To find the root of their problems. To fix things.”
“We could be killed,” Penny muttered.
“Aye, that’s right,” Doctor Who almost held her by the shoulder, but put his hands in his pockets. “Probably will, too. But that’s never stopped me before.”
Penny still hesitated, turning away from him.
“It’s alright. Is it too much? If it’s too much, I can whisk you back away to that mountaintop, away from these problems, where you can do whatever you want. I won’t blame you. Most people can’t survive a trip to do battle with the Daleks on the moons of Ercanus, but you did it and saved the lives of all those gay space vicars. I think we can do this. I think you can do this.”
Penny turned back around. “I’ll need to take it slowly, Doctor. I don’t want to just rush into this.”
“No, never.” He pointed at the arena a bit away. “Game of hockey?”
Watching the game from the crowd, Doctor Who was rapt in thought. He ate the flapjacks before him contemplatively.
Penny had never really followed the sport of hockey, but was enjoying the proceedings. Doctor Who began trailing off about fluid links or the time-space continuum or something, but she paid him no mind. She had picked up some poutine from the concessions. Suddenly – the action stopped. The players all turned to face Penny and her travelling companion.
“Of all the sporting events...” Doctor Who dived up from his seat, and grasping Penny’s hand they jumped onto the ice below. He put up his dukes, and one by one beat up both hockey teams, throwing them into the goals before riding the Zamboni around. Penny was thoroughly confused by all of this. Suddenly – a voice rung out over the loudspeaker.
“Oh my dear Doctor, you have been naïve..”
“Penny, get down. Run away, do whatever you can. You don’t want to see this.”
“Why? Who’s that?”
“It’s my oldest and greatest nemesis, the Master. He must be behind all of this craziness happening here.”
From out of the rafters, smoke poured out as a figure began to emerge. “Not just the Master…”
“My god,” Penny said, awestruck.
“A Moose-ter.”
Onto the ice stepped a gigantic moose with large antlers – of course, now it all makes sense, thought Doctor Who. “You’ve used up another regeneration cycle, haven’t you? Needed to find a new host body, and this was all you could get to, stranded in the wilds of the Canadian wilderness?”
“No, I just turned into a moose.” He approached Penny. “Who is this? The last time I saw you, you were travelling with that Ms. Bartholomew – I liked her. Whatever happened to her?”
“Penny, step back. I have no idea what it’s talking about.” Doctor Who struck an action pose. “What do you want? Why have you taken over this great territory to the North?”
“Whatever do you mean, Doctor?” He’d have stroked his beard, if he still had opposable limbs. “This isn’t Canada.”
Doctor Who staggered. Could he be telling the truth? He thought back – of course, he had been such a fool.
“Canada has never existed.”
“Yes, Doctor.” He laughed heartily as the world around them began to crumble. “Happy Halloween!”
Penny rose with a start. She was back in the TARDIS control room, where apparently she sleeps. Doctor Who was browsing his bookshelves.
“Doctor – I’ve just had the most frightening dream.” He didn’t respond. “Doctor – I think we need to go to Canada…”
He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that every second she had just experienced in fantasy had been real, a horrible facsimilie of a nation that must never exist. Somewhere, out there, the Moose-ter was plotting his next despicable step. He just did what was easiest – if not for her, for him.
“Canada? Never heard of it!” He said, closing a book and plotting a course to visit Victorian London.
His new assistant, on her second expedition deep into the cloisters of space and time, examined the screen carefully. “Canada? That’s it? Bit unexciting, isn’t it?”
Doctor Who smiled. “No, well, yes, but you know, 4 billion years of the universe, I’ve never, ever bothered to make a stop there.”
“Really? How is that possible?” Penny examined the various buttons and doodads as he pressed them. “Oh, I know – you’re an alien, you don’t really care about Earth.”
“Yes! Exactly!” The ship suddenly shook, throwing the pair of them to the side, “well, actually, no, exactly. I’m on Earth all the time. It’s practically a summer home.”
Stepping out of the telephone box, Doctor Who explained their newest destination. “This is the nation’s capital city.”
“Vancouver, yeah?”
“Afraid not.” They began to move down the street, through modest pedestrian traffic.
“Oh, Montreal, that’s right.”
“You’re getting a bit closer,” the Doctor said. “Just a bit.”
“It’s not Toronto, is it?”
They stopped in front of a large sign, reading CITY OF OTTAWA DEPARTMENT OF PARKS SERVICES.
“Oh, yeah, that sounds right. Good to know,” Penny was suddenly unnerved as she saw a man sitting on the steps into the municipal building eating his lunch. He was eating a ham sandwich with mayonnaise, but that was for once not the problem – he was examining some small device in his hand, transfixed by it. “Doctor – why isn’t that man eating lunch with anyone? What is he doing all alone like that?”
The man, just four meters away, was not very pleased to hear this, and scuttled off.
“He was using a telephone, Penny. We’ve travelled into the future – the year 2006. This is the dawn of a new era – modern society enters a new reformation with the advent of smart technology.”
“So what can it do?”
“Well, they’re not at that point yet, but they’ll get there soon.”
The front door to the parks services office burst open. An armed battalion of Mounties exited, and cornered that man who had been so rudely insulted by Penny. From a satchel, one of them produced a faucet with a drill on one end – he burrowed it into the man’s head as he screamed in terror.
“Doctor, what’s happening?”
“I don’t know – get back.”
Penny refused, holding her ground firmly as Doctor Who examined the situation.
“Again, I’ve never been here before, but if I do know anything about Canada-“
Liquid began pouring out of the faucet, as the man’s life faded from him. It wasn’t blood.
“You’ve got to try the syrup.”
The man, totally hollowed and dry to the bone, let out a sound like a deflating balloon. The Mounties disappeared back into the building.
“Let’s never come here again.” Penny deadpanned, as she made a bee-line for the TARDIS. Doctor Who yelled after her, imploring her to stop.
“Whatever is happening here – Canada isn’t supposed to be like this. Not yet, anyway.” He locked the TARDIS door from the outside. “What I do, is I try to help people. To find the root of their problems. To fix things.”
“We could be killed,” Penny muttered.
“Aye, that’s right,” Doctor Who almost held her by the shoulder, but put his hands in his pockets. “Probably will, too. But that’s never stopped me before.”
Penny still hesitated, turning away from him.
“It’s alright. Is it too much? If it’s too much, I can whisk you back away to that mountaintop, away from these problems, where you can do whatever you want. I won’t blame you. Most people can’t survive a trip to do battle with the Daleks on the moons of Ercanus, but you did it and saved the lives of all those gay space vicars. I think we can do this. I think you can do this.”
Penny turned back around. “I’ll need to take it slowly, Doctor. I don’t want to just rush into this.”
“No, never.” He pointed at the arena a bit away. “Game of hockey?”
Watching the game from the crowd, Doctor Who was rapt in thought. He ate the flapjacks before him contemplatively.
Penny had never really followed the sport of hockey, but was enjoying the proceedings. Doctor Who began trailing off about fluid links or the time-space continuum or something, but she paid him no mind. She had picked up some poutine from the concessions. Suddenly – the action stopped. The players all turned to face Penny and her travelling companion.
“Of all the sporting events...” Doctor Who dived up from his seat, and grasping Penny’s hand they jumped onto the ice below. He put up his dukes, and one by one beat up both hockey teams, throwing them into the goals before riding the Zamboni around. Penny was thoroughly confused by all of this. Suddenly – a voice rung out over the loudspeaker.
“Oh my dear Doctor, you have been naïve..”
“Penny, get down. Run away, do whatever you can. You don’t want to see this.”
“Why? Who’s that?”
“It’s my oldest and greatest nemesis, the Master. He must be behind all of this craziness happening here.”
From out of the rafters, smoke poured out as a figure began to emerge. “Not just the Master…”
“My god,” Penny said, awestruck.
“A Moose-ter.”
Onto the ice stepped a gigantic moose with large antlers – of course, now it all makes sense, thought Doctor Who. “You’ve used up another regeneration cycle, haven’t you? Needed to find a new host body, and this was all you could get to, stranded in the wilds of the Canadian wilderness?”
“No, I just turned into a moose.” He approached Penny. “Who is this? The last time I saw you, you were travelling with that Ms. Bartholomew – I liked her. Whatever happened to her?”
“Penny, step back. I have no idea what it’s talking about.” Doctor Who struck an action pose. “What do you want? Why have you taken over this great territory to the North?”
“Whatever do you mean, Doctor?” He’d have stroked his beard, if he still had opposable limbs. “This isn’t Canada.”
Doctor Who staggered. Could he be telling the truth? He thought back – of course, he had been such a fool.
“Canada has never existed.”
“Yes, Doctor.” He laughed heartily as the world around them began to crumble. “Happy Halloween!”
Penny rose with a start. She was back in the TARDIS control room, where apparently she sleeps. Doctor Who was browsing his bookshelves.
“Doctor – I’ve just had the most frightening dream.” He didn’t respond. “Doctor – I think we need to go to Canada…”
He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that every second she had just experienced in fantasy had been real, a horrible facsimilie of a nation that must never exist. Somewhere, out there, the Moose-ter was plotting his next despicable step. He just did what was easiest – if not for her, for him.
“Canada? Never heard of it!” He said, closing a book and plotting a course to visit Victorian London.