Post by Ribs, Suthers' Pal on Apr 30, 2015 20:40:55 GMT
Hello this is a new series chronicling the true stories all of Suthers' important work as a spaceman
Suthers flipped open his communicator.
“Ensign, make special note, very important findings here on the planet Delta-Hedron VIII.” He beckoned, kneeling down to inspect his important space rocks.
“Yellow in color, but with purple specks, these seem certain to cure death back on planet Earth.”
A voice crackled through the device. “Ay, sir, I’m mighty glad to hear that!” It was the thick Scottish brogue of none other than Professor Brian Cox, his intrepid ensign. “Tell me, will it be able to save me mam?”
“Ay, ensign, I believe it will. You see-” Suthers, though speaking through a communicator, placed one foot atop a surface in front of him, as though he were back at home giving the local team (Manchester United) the inspiring speech they required during halftime to rally back and win the World Series, “-what life presents forward to us is the opportunity for the impossible. The impossible, some may say, is possible, thanks to our amazing science adventures.”
He then took out his microscope and began analyzing specimens. “My dear boy, we’re going to be able to take you back home and pay for your mother’s operation and to rescue your poor little orphan brother from work in the factory. And that I’ll promise you.”
“Heavens above, I nay know what to say! Thank ye!”
“God be with you.” Suthers closed his communicator. He knew, when he returned home, he would earn his millions and finally be able to build the animal hospital he always aspired to, and finally get over the death of his partner.
Post by Ribs, Suthers' Pal on May 3, 2015 19:26:25 GMT
The seas of Chyron Six were stormy that day.
Aboard the HMS Redford, all hands were on deck as an attack was being conducted against the adjacent shipping vessel. Cannons hurled metal between the two ships.
The Redford’s captain, looking through his periscope, spotted what he was looking for. “Aye, me mates, I’ve spotted the princess! She’s atop their mast!” He yelled.
Ensign Cox, having just fired one of the aforementioned cannons, asked for some clarification. “Aye, sir, what’s that?”
“Oh, my poor incompetent ensign,” Captain Suthers, “it’s the big pole at the center of the ship that the sails are affixed to.”
“Right, sir!” Cox repositioned his cannon, and lit the fuse aflame.
“What the Sam hell are you doing, my lad?” Captain Suthers quickly extinguished the fuse. “Are you trying to kill her? Think what the King would say!”
Just then, a cadre of samurai swooped in from the other ship. Suthers groaned, “This is the part of the job I hate,” before unsheathing his pair of katanas and engaging in battle.
Very impressed, Ensign Cox returned his focus to sinking the other ship. He heard a series of screams, explosions, and cries for mercy from those behind him as Captain Suthers did what he did best.
Just two shakes later, Cox felt a tap on his shoulder. “What’d I miss, me hearty?” It was none other than Captain Suthers, covered in the blood of his enemies, as ever.
He prepared his grapple gun, and used it to move to the other ship. He removed the princess from her holdings, and swerved back to his ship.
He reached into his pocket for his ham radio. “We are go for operation takedown, repeat, we are go.” Just then, a series of F-16 Tomcats swooped from the skies and blasted apart the other ship with Stinger Missiles.
The princess expressed great gratitude to Captain Suthers, and offered him a medallion for his service. Suthers, immediately, removed a silenced pistol from his holster and killed her.
“That’ll send a message to the King, that’s for sure.” He explained to his intrepid ensign. “Now I’m going to return home to have a lovely meal with my dining companion, after a hard day of bringing home the bacon.” Seeing Cox’s mouth about to move, he reassured; “you will never be invited, you do not know enough about Space.”
He then flew off with his amazing space jetpack back home to planet Earth.
Can you tell the story of that time Suthers and Cox were at the International Gas Station and Suthers explained to Cox the importance of home-made kerosene for shooting off to outer space that does not cost Earth prices?
Can you tell the story of the time they took the wrong spaceship and found themselves in Ed Balls's pancreas?
Can you tell the story of that one time when they found a wormhole and went back in time to kill Hitler's Von Habsburg ancestor?
Can you tell the story of when they discovered a monolith in Yorkshire?
Post by Good old Suthers on May 14, 2015 8:24:41 GMT
What manner of tomfoolery have I stumbled into?
Is it not bad enough that I have to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous Garr?
"It was me tweeted it to Katy you dirty star-leering liar." - Garr.
"The live link ...up live the live link the live link up with link up with the live One Direction the live link up live live One live the live link up live the live the link the live One the live the live link up with One the live link up with One Dirlivelinkup the live One Direction the live link up with One Direction was a total triumph though wasn't it the live link up?" - Garr
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