BBC1 have announced that they are going to be making sliced bread this season.
"Oh, that's lovely" chortles lead writer Rusty Lee, "Ever since mankind existed I've always wanted to make sliced bread - and now here's my chance. Thanks to the lovely BBC. All of my friends are involved as well - irrespective of whether they are talented or not."
"It's my perfect opportunity to once again wow the audiences" adds Marc, 'actor', 'writer', 'director' who used to be in a sketch show. "I've been trying for years to get them to make sliced bread, and now we've succeeded. I know exactly what sliced bread should taste like, and this will be as near as possible to that as I can make it."
"It's just the thing with butter and jam" stresses Peter Mycroft, show runner, "I know that last year they made those crumpets, and they were very very popular, but we all knew that this is what every one really wanted, and so here we are, now doing exactly that. I gave my left testicle to the beeb in order for them to do this, and it took all the combined might of everyone to get this done. It's going to be amazing."
And so we should all be grateful for this marvellous turn of events.
Jon Pertwee vs Vincent Price. Who is the hero, and who the villain? This battle could cost the Earth!
Supporting actor Janet-Louise-Coleslaw-Bily Fifer comments: "When I heard it was going to be sliced, I couldn't believe it. It's doing bread like it's never been done before. Peter is so clever and he's worked so hard, it's a privilege to be involved in this epoch-making bread. It's great working with everyone and there are never any disagreements or problems with anyone, ever."
A couple of people involved were asked what their favourite thing about the new sliced bread was: Peter Mycroft: "I'm a life-long fan, so everyone knows there's only one correct answer: it's bread." *loud cheering* Janet-Louise-Coleslaw-Bily Fifer: "Okay, uh, it's sliced. Vertically." *even more loud cheering* David di Cushpert: "...nutritious fibres." *total and utter silence while Mycroft rolls on floor laughing*
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