Doctor Who and the Upside Down Hot Dog Oct 18, 2015 10:43:46 GMT darren451, C K Styles, and 2 more like this
Post by Draculasaurus on Oct 18, 2015 10:43:46 GMT
Doctor Who and the Upside Down Hot Dog
by David W. Burson
by David W. Burson
Doctor Who settled back in his seat to watch the All Blacks play another wonderful game of Cricket. He loved watching the games at Eden Park. A man was walking up and down the bleachers selling food. He saw Doctor Who and recognized him.
“Hey, Doctor W.” he shouted “Do you want a Kiwi Hot Dog?”
Doctor Who was confused.
“Is that like a real hot dog but upside down?” he asked
“You betcha'” he said holding up an upside down hot dog as chili, sauerkraut, cheese, onions, pickle relish and mustard ran over his hand and down his hairy forearm.
“No thanks” said Doctor Who “Do people really buy those?”
The man leaned in conspiratorially.
“Heaps.” he said “Heaps”
Doctor Who felt a little queasy so he decided to go for a walk. As he left the stadium he heard the crowd cheer as the All Blacks scored a touchdown. For a moment he though he would go back but decided he didn't want to climb the stairs again. The weather was beautiful so Doctor Who decided to drive his TARDIS down to the shore. The TARDIS was basically indestructible so it was not really a problem to just have it scrape along the road like a sled. It was fun for him to look out the door and attempt to steer the time ship around the car park. Doctor Who was not a very good driver, but that was all right because any pedestrians that he collided with simply rolled onto the Floor of the control room uninjured.
Doctor Who drove the TARDIS East on Walters Road toward Cricket Avenue and then turned left onto Dominion Rd./Urban Rte 4 carefully driving only on the left side of the street. Then he turned left onto Upper Queen St. and then quickly onto Karangahape Rd. Then he nearly missed his turn onto Nelson St. because one of the pedestrians who he had inadvertently scooped up wandered into his line of sight through the open doors. He continued down Nelson Street to his destination, Viaduct Basin which was a beautiful beach where beautiful people were sunning themselves. Doctor Who coaxed his passengers out into the hot winter sunshine. He was tired of listening to their screaming and was glad to get away from them.
Suddenly a giant submarine drove its self up onto the beach and immediately a tall curvy figure dressed all in black vinyl emerged from the metal blow hole.
“Sexy Voord!” shouted Doctor Who “What are you doing here”
Sexy Voord did a cool back flip down from the top of the submarine, her stiletto heels somehow not sinking in to the sand.
“I heard there was a dangerous mystery at the beach.” she said from behind her shiny mask.
Suddenly a Dalek rolled out from behind a Pavlova stand.
“Oh my god!” shouted Doctor Who “What are you doing here?”
“I am a reject Dalek” said the Dalek “I hate everything a lot, but I did not pass my physical examination because I had low levels of amphipathic phospholipids and so I got kicked out of Dalek school.”
“But why are you here?” asked Sexy Voord
“I'm going to exterminate everyone on this planet to prove my worth to the Daleks, starting with beautiful Viaduct Basin Beach.” said the Dalek excitedly.
“Quickly, distract that Dalek while I think of a plan.” said Doctor Who
The black clad super sleuth nodded affirmatively.
“My Super Rapid Twerk Attack never fails!” she said as she turned and began gyrating her bottom, moderately at first but rapidly gaining speed until it made a low hum like a bee in flight.
“This action has no purpose and...uh “ the Dalek said trailing off distractedly.
“That will buy me a moment.” said Doctor Who
A crowd of people began gathering around to watch the shapely Voord's distraction technique.
Doctor Who frowned.
“This isn't good,” he said “these party animal Kiwis are gathering around a killing machine, and this pantomime grinding won't keep him distracted for long.”
Someone who had a boom box had started playing some reggaeton, and most of the crowd had started dancing.
“Oh my goodness.” said Doctor Who.
Just then a muscular older man caught Doctor Who's eye.
“Excuse me aren't you world famous wrestler, 'Nature Boy' Ric Flair?” asked Doctor Who
“Yeah, that's me.” said Ric Flair smiling “You want an autograph, son?”
“Frankly, yes,” said Doctor Who “but first I have to deal with this dangerous Dalek!”
“I'll do whatever I can to help.” said Ric Flair taking a bite of the Kiwi Hot Dog he was holding.
Doctor Who watched the toppings run down his muscular arm.
“Amphipathic phospholipids!” shouted Doctor Who staring at the upside down hot dog.
“I thought it tasted funny!” said Ric Flair
“No,” said Doctor Who “That Dalek has low levels of amphipathic phospholipids, so if we can manage to jolt his body enough we may be able to force him out through his own ventilation grill.”
Ric Flair removed his sunglasses and said “Just tell me what to do.”
“You'll need to cause a few serious bodily impacts to liquefy the creature and then flip the whole machine over to force him to drain out.”
“You got it Doctor Who!” said Ric Flair
The strong, tanned older man was luckily wearing wrestling boots and trunks despite being retired and on vacation. He ran at the Dalek delivering a brutal Knife-Edge Chop to it's eye stalk making it's dome spin round
“Woooo!” he cried as he executed a drop kick against the Dalek's anterior grill. His powerful two-footed kick tipped the Dalek on its back. With out hesitating Ric Flair leaped through the air preforming a devastating knee drop which bent the Dalek's weapon unto a useless position.
“This is impossible!” cried the Dalek “I am superior.”
Ric Flair picked up the Dalek, it was heavy but the strong man managed to hoist it shoulder high and completely upside down. He walked in a circle holding the Dalek up for the crowd who began chanting ; 'Pile Driver! Pile Driver! Pile Driver!
Ric Flair took a few quick steps and slammed the Dalek straight down into the sand crumpling his ventilation column. A chunky green liquid splashed out of the grill and immediately a lot of Long Tailed Possums and Kiwis (the birds) rushed up and ate the mess.
Sexy Voord, who was a karate master, gave Ric Flair a high five to congratulate him on being so great also.
“I never would have gotten the idea if it weren't for those upside down hot dogs.” said Doctor Who
“Speaking of which, I worked up quite an appetite.” said Sexy Voord
“Me too.” said Ric Flair “Let's get something to eat.”
“I'll drive.” said Doctor Who smiling.