Post by C K Styles on Oct 4, 2014 6:56:47 GMT
Alpha Centauri has no knees.
If she did she'd be kneeling on them, begging for her life.
Since she has no knees, she was standing awkwardly, begging for her life.
"Please don't kill me," she squeaked.
"Don't bother trying to negotiate now, Ambassador," replied the balaclavaed man with a deep voice and piercing eyes which were as brown as a poo.
"Please, no" responded AC. "I'll give you anything. Well almost anything. I won't give head. But apart from that. Money, a moon...I beg of you. Please spare me."
"Ha ha ha. You must die."
Alpha Centauri turned and ran down the corridor. The balaclavaed stranger chased after her and caught her with ease. He dragged her back, shaking his head. "It's no good delaying the inevitable," he said.
The stranger took out his gun. And some bullets. He inserted six into the gun. He held it up. AC closed her eye and winced.
Unbeknownst to the stranger, Alvin Stardust had snuck up behind him on tippy-toes, and smashed him over the head with a large mullet. Alvin reached down and removed the stranger's balaclava.
"Suthers!" gasped Alpha Centauri.
Suthers had regained consciousness. "Yes, it is I. I wanted revenge after those bastard planeteers declared that Pluto wasn't a planet. With Sexy Voord currently on holiday watching the All Blacks play in South Africa I decided it was a perfect time to act*. You were to be the first to die. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that pesky Alvin Stardust."
It took a while for the police to arrive, so while they waited Alvin sang a few songs. The police arrived and arrested Suthers, who is now in prison awaiting trial. Alpha Centauri returned to Galactic Federation Headquarters, and Alvin resumed his crime fighting career with Sexy Voord.