Post by Draculasaurus on Mar 7, 2014 14:23:30 GMT
The Pervertacious Gaze
A Groundbreaking new fan fictioning by Draculasaurus!
A Groundbreaking new fan fictioning by Draculasaurus!
The doors of the TARDIS opened and the Doctor strode forth as he is wont to do.
He sniffed the air and looked around in the dim light.
The large square room was empty except for two roughly textured statues. The walls were completely featureless except for a single brightly illuminated opening, like a doorway but too small for a humanoid.
The Doctor walked over and examined the stone figures.
"Peri!" he called. "hurry up, will you? I'm discovering things and I don't want to have to go over it all again when you finally come out."
Peri emerged from the TARDIS.
"All right Doctor." she said. "what did I miss?"
"Why don't you tell me?" said the Doctor as he clasped his arms behind his back and struck a scholarly pose, looking off to one side at nothing.
"Well, there's some statues: male and female, and a little door." she said.
The Doctor nodded. "Yes, and what can you surmise from these facts?"
"That their baby's run off through that door?" said Peri.
"Yes, what? No!" snorted the Doctor "Although that does make perfect sense, in a very Human way!" he interrupted himself grudgingly.
"No Peri, the question is; If these statues are representative of the size and shape of the race who built them, then why is the only entrance so small?"
Peri shrugged. "It's about two feet wide and three feet tall. It would be easy enough to crawl through."
"Perhaps" mumbled the doctor as he reached out to touch one of the mysterious statues.
Suddenly there was a bright flash of light all around them.
Peri screamed and looked around her. "Doctor, you're completely naked!" she exclaimed.
The Doctor rushed to where the TARDIS had stood a moment before.
"Yes Peri," he said in a tense, yet even voice. "You are naked as well, and the TARDIS is gone."
She tried to cover herself with her hands and arms.
"Well, I was wrong." said the Doctor "It seems that the figures represented the two of us."
Peri turned to look at the statues. Their shape had not changed but they now looked like they were wearing the clothes which had just vanished, but there was no cloth on them. Only the colors of the clothes adorned the figures.
"At least there's no mistaking that awful coat of yours!" said Peri with a tone of desperate forced humor.
"No indeed." agreed the Doctor absently. "It seems that our course is laid before us."
The Doctor crouched looking into the cold light of the small doorway.
"It's a rather long tunnel. I can't see the end of it, I'm afraid, but we don't have much alternative."
"Follow me." he said as he turned to crawl into the hole.
"Wait, Doctor..." Peri said "I just...It's just that the view, the back view, of you I mean."
"Yes?" asked the Doctor with theatrical strained patience.
"It's just that I'm not that wild about it."
"Not that wild about the back view of me? Is that it?"
"Yes."
"Oh, I see!" he said rising to his feet again. "Would you care to lead the way Peri?"
The Doctor made a very courteous gesture toward the hole.
"Well," she said averting her eyes "It's just that..."
"Yes?"
"It's just that I'm not that excited about you looking up my business either."
"Now just what are you trying to say about me?" said the Doctor. "I didn't contrive this situation to amuse my self by getting a look up your business, you know."
"Oh, I didn't say that!" she protested. "I just don't want to go first, is all."
"You don't want to go first or second. That's fine Peri." The Doctor sighed. "I'll go ahead, and I'm sure I'll be able to find some way to rescue you."
He turned to crawl into the low doorway.
"Doctor, wait!" she called.
"Yes Peri, what is it?"
"I'm scared!" said Peri glancing over at the silent stone figures. "Don't leave me alone."
The Doctor stood up again and leaned against the wall pretending to study his fingernails.
"You don't want to go first."
"You don't want to go second."
"You don't want to stay here alone."
"Can I also assume that you would rather not explore the corridor by yourself?" He asked with a forced calmness.
"Yes." she said quietly.
Suddenly he was bombastic.
"Am I correctly ascertaining that the course of action you would prescribe in this situation is literally, for me to stand around with my you-know-what in my hand?"
"I'm just saying.."
"Yes, what?"
"Well," she began "what if we went in face to face."
The Doctor frowned. "You would like me to crawl on all fours, backwards, naked, into a potentially dangerous situation? Is that what you're saying?"
"It sounds bad when you put it like that." said Peri.
"I can't imagine an appealing way of describing it! Of course you wouldn't like to go in first would you? No? All right."
The Doctor got down on his hands and knees and began backing his way into the tiny corridor.
"Coming?" he asked.
Peri got down and followed him into the tunnel and immediately became self conscious.
"Doctor" she said seriously. "I will ask you to please keep eye contact with me, and to not look down."
"You can count on me, Peri" said the Doctor reassuringly.
They crawled for what seemed like a long while, but neither of them could tell if they were making much progress.
"Doctor! I saw you looking down!" Peri exclaimed.
"I did no such thing! He retorted.
"I saw you as plain as day looking down under there!"
"My eyes were closed, I was resting my eyes." he said.
"They were wide open!"
"Well maybe they were." said the Doctor "but I was just absently looking off into space, not looking at anything."
"I know you were looking Doctor" her cheeks flushed red. "because your eyes were moving back and forth like a referee's at Wimbledon!"
"Well it's hardly my fault!" he cried. "with you swinging around all over the place like the tassels on a Moroccan camel's bridle!"
"That's quite a thing to say!" she hissed.
They angrily stared into each others eyes and neither spoke for a moment.
"I'm sorry" said the Doctor. "Let's keep moving."
"All right" Peri said still angry.
They proceeded along the brightly lit corridor for a few more minutes.
"I feel something!" The Doctor exclaimed. "I think it's an intersection with another corridor."
He moved forward a few feet and they saw that it wasn't an intersection, but only a small alcove in one wall.
"Well it's not an intersection. It just barely widens out enough to turn around." said the Doctor.
"Then why don't you turn around?" said Peri bitterly.
"I think I will" said the Doctor. "This crawling backwards nonsense is exhausting."
Having reoriented himself the Doctor began crawling again.
"This is much easier going, Peri. We can make some real progress now. Are you keeping up all right?"
"Yes Doctor." she replied, but her voice sounded strained with emotion.
The Doctor slowed and stopped. He gently called back over his shoulder.
"Peri, is anything the matter?"
When she didn't respond he began again.
"I'm sorry I said what I did, Peri. I..."
"It's not that Doctor." she said. "It's just that I forgot not to look."
"You forgot not to look?"
"Yes, I forgot and looked. I looked right up your business."
"I see." He said. "You forgot not to look up my.. what was it you said?"
"Your business." she said dejectedly.
"Yes, my business. That was it. And now you are overcome with emotion? Perhaps you've discovered that it's not so easy to remember not to look?"
"That's different. It wasn't pervertacious leering, like you were doing earlier. I looked by accident."
"Pervertacious leering?" He said, in an outraged stentorian bluster.
"It was completely by accident the first time." she said.
"The first time! Dare I ask; just how many times did you forget not to look?"
"Well, I looked by accident."
"Yes? And then what"
"I looked and I just hated it."
"You hated it?"
"Yes, I just hated it."
"And just what exactly is it about me did you find so loathsome, pray tell?" he asked as they began crawling again.
"You know, Doctor. Your business. All of your business things back there for taking care of business, and things."
"Oh, I see, Peri. My business, as you call it, failed to meet your criteria in some way?"
"It's not that, Doctor. I knew that you had those things."
"My business?"
"Yes, and there's nothing wrong with them exactly. It's just that I never expected to see it all lined up like that."
"All lined up like that?
"Yes it was all lined up, as big as life and seeing it all face to face like that, well, I hated it."
"Ah, Peri. I believe I begin to see. You looked at my business, found it to be all lined up and hated it."
"Yes."
"and then you looked again on purpose?"
"Well, I really hated looking at it the first time, and I started thinking that maybe it had just taken me by surprise. Maybe it wasn't really all that bad."
"So you decided to take another peek to find out just how unsavory it all really was?"
"I guess so." she said. "but it was even worse the second time."
"Oh, It had gotten worse?"
"I don't know if it was really worse, but I liked it even less the second time, and that's really saying something because of how much I hated it right off the bat."
"That must have been terrible for you."
"Well, I started thinking that it shouldn't have been worse the second time, and that maybe I had just built it up in my mind as much worse than it really was."
"Yes?"
"So when I looked again..."
"You looked a third time on purpose?!"
"I looked three times total, only the second two were on purpose."
"I see."
"So when I looked again, I really tried to be objective and to give it all a clean slate, a real fair chance."
"Yes? and what was the verdict?"
"It was by far the worst time of all! It was rather upsetting."
"I think you got exactly what you deserve. Pervertacious gaze indeed! You have a lot of nerve throwing around language like that when you're back there making a field day of it."
"Doctor, I looked again. Accidentally this time, It's good news..."
"Quiet Peri! I see something up ahead."
"What is it, Doctor? A way out?"
" I can't quite make it out. It looks like a person."
"Maybe they know the way." she said.
"Hello." the Doctor shouted. His voice echoed back along the long low tunnel.
He shouted again.
"She doesn't seem to be responding." said the Doctor.
"She?" asked Peri, anxious for any new information.
"Well, you're the expert there it seems, but yes." replied the Doctor " a humanoid female facing away from us. also without any clothes."
"She's probably terrified." said Peri.
"Hello there. I'm the Doctor. We really mean you no harm. My friend and I are in something of a predicament, I guess you are too. Hello. Anyone home?
"Any response?" asked Peri
"No. Hello? I'm sorry Miss. I understand if you don't want to talk, but we do need you to keep moving."
The Doctors voice echoed, but there was still no response.
"Hello!" shouted the Doctor grabbing the woman's leg.
Peri was screaming in terror. The Doctor tried to turn to see, but could only just peer over his shoulder.
"Peri what it it?" he shouted. "what's happened?"
"Something grabbed my leg, Doctor!" She cried.
"Try and see what it is Peri"
"No I don't want to look!" she cried
"you must!"
"Doctor!" she moaned "It's you!"
The Doctor turned to look ahead. The woman was now looking back at him with unreasoning terror in her eyes. It was Peri.
"It's an ass loop!" he shouted "Hold on!"